This was always your song for me. You always wanted me to dance, and take chances even when I didn’t want to. As hard as this is for both of us, I appreciate everything you’ve taught me. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you. I miss you a ton already. But you taught me to be a strong woman; I can do this, you can do this. I love you, mom. I am dancing.
Old blog.
This is from February, or around that time. Obviously, I was upset with how someone was treating me, and contemplated ending the relationship then, but didn’t.
I’m sad tonight.
Because you don’t care about us anymore. You don’t make the effort. I’m just something you can see when you want, and throw me away the rest of the time.
I’m hurt tonight.
Because you don’t do what you say you’re going to do. Your friends are more important. Sleep is more important. Everything is more important.
I’m upset tonight.
Because I know this is the end. This is the last time. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to have this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
You don’t care. You don’t want to make the effort. You don’t love me. You don’t do anything.
And you say I’m thoughtless. At least I follow through on the plans I make. I keep my word. I make the effort. I make time for you, always, even if I’d rather be doing something else.
Tonight tipped the scales against you. The thin ice you were skating on finally broke. One too many times. Too many changes of plans, or cancelling of plans. And I can’t deal with this anymore. The feeling of being inadequate, unimportant, unwanted.
I shouldn’t have ever had to deal with these feelings.
It hurts my heart to know you’d rather hang out with anyone else, except me.
Interviewer: Why do girls like bad boys?
Angelo Aita: Because girls are stupid.
I don’t even deal with my own emotions. It’s unfair to expect me to deal with yours.
